on the other side is not always fun

I’m getting a little frustrated that I didn’t enjoy what happened on Thursday evening (June 8th, 2017). I don’t want to lie and say it was great and it felt so good because it didn’t but at the same time, I don’t want to just give up and assume that is what it will always be like. I want to find someone who knows what they’re doing until it makes sense to me why so much of our culture is about sex. I can’t help thinking that if it doesn’t get much better than what I experienced than our world is run by males and their ideas and feelings but in 2017 I have some sort of inkling that this is not the case which can only lead to the fact that females feel a lot more than I did on Thursday. It’s in movies, books, shows, commercials, songs etc. I could keep going with things that are about sex or in some way involve lust.

I guess in the back of my mind I’m a little jealous I didn’t get that feeling. Actually, I’m mad I didn’t get that feeling. I’m not even talking about that firework-inducing, movie kiss, I’m just talking about an enjoyable kiss, one you would go back for. Not the one(s) I had. Listening to music just makes me more upset and if I can’t have music then I’ve done something very wrong. (sigh)

I had a really good day with Davon today, we went to Fat Sandwich Company, Jimmy John’s G2 and then Goodwill in Savoy. I bought a couch for my room at Strat and grandma and Jenny are freaking out that it won’t fit in the van. It is not even 15 minutes down Neil St. that the couch needs to travel. I think we can make it fit in the van. I am slowly realizing that independence is not only exhausting trying to manage on your own but family can be just as exhausting. I’m not an adult and I’m still learning and experiencing but some of these things are just too confusing and frustrating to explain and understand.

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